Why Are We All So Stressed Out? đ
A deep research into the modern stress epidemic by two bored human beings.
Mimie and I once spent about forty-five minutes figuring out why humans need two kidneys if we can survive on one. Donât ask how we got there.
This is a thing we do. It starts with a random question: âwhy do we need two kidneys?â âWhy do we hardly see the moon in Lagos?â, one of us asks, and then weâre locked in. One person is talking, the other is researching Google or asking AI. Back and forth until weâre both going âhmmmmâ, âoh I seeeeâ, âthat makes senseeeeeâ, like we just unlocked a secret level of wisdom that nobody else is awake to receive.
A few nights ago, we landed on this question: why are we all so stressed out?
The only catch was that the baby was sleeping, so we had to do all of this in whispers, which was painful for Mimie specifically, because she believes the louder the volume, the more correct she is đ
Anyway, we started pulling at that thread of this topic, and it got interesting. Now let me tell you our findings.
Stress kicks in at about 25 years of ageâŚ
Do you remember how easy life was before that? Our parents gave us money, we went to school, we came back, we ate. I used to collect 1000 Naira per week from my parents. It wasnât much, but I didnât lie awake at night thinking about what to eat; life was basically on easy mode.
But once you cross that 25 mark (some people donât even get up to 25), things start to get real. And thatâs when your stress level dials up, and you realise youâre not in this life to play.
Let me paint you a pictureâŚ
Say youâre now a graduate, you need a job. Thatâs when you realise that jobs are scarce. Youâre going from interview to interview, stressed. You eventually get the job, the job is stressful, still stressed. Then, unfortunately for you, your workplace is annoying. Congratulations, youâve been upgraded to Stress Pro Max.
And then you decided to leave your stressful job because it was âtoo stressful,â only to land in another stressful job. And if somehow your job isnât stressful, youâre likely just not doing enough, or not a high performer, which means a layoff is coming, and you will be on the list, which puts you right back at the start with what they call joblessness-induced stress. Thereâs no exit door on this particular ride; anywhere you turn, stress is waiting for you.
Then thereâs the relationship department. You want a partner? But youâre in Lagos. Thatâs when you realise thereâs no love in Lagos. Tobi and Precious are everywhere. If you donât find someone, youâre stressed. If you do find someone, thatâs when you realise that everybody is mad and your babe has layers of witchcraft you were not prepared for, more stress.
Then your parents start asking when youâre getting married, or having a kid, which is its own category of stress, because what if you donât want to?
And letâs say you do get married, beautiful. Now youâre catering for yourself and another person. And God help you if you donât actually love the person, or they donât love you, youâve used bride price to pay for the till-death-do-us-part subscription plan of stress.
Then you try to have a baby. If you donât get pregnant on time, stress. If it does happen, thatâs 18 years of premium stress subscription, non-refundable. The more babies, the more plans youâre signing up for. I wonder how our parents did so many of us; I can barely manage one.
And then, as if that wasnât enough, letâs say you think youâre some genius and you decide to start a business. The moment you do, youâve essentially moved into the stress building. You have to pay people, keep the thing alive, make decisions daily, beat your competitors, find customers, and worst of all, you canât run away from it. If you now want to unlock the final boss of stress, get investors, and now your stress has board members.
Oh, and I haven't even mentioned house hunting yet. Thatâs the first real adult stress most people run into, and nothing prepares you for it because âitâs meant to be easyâ.
You finish school, youâre excited, you want your own place, independence. So you enter the property market. You realise landlords want two years' rent upfront, they want a guarantor, proof of employment, a police report, and a signature from your grandfather. Some of those agents will look you in the eye and describe a flat as a luxury apartment, then open the door and show you something that has a ceiling fan that works maybe three times a week, and the kitchen is inside the toilet.
Everyone feels it, even especially the richâŚ
At some point in all of this, you start thinking: if I just had more money, I wonât be stressed.
And to be fair, money does solve real problems. Not having money is its own brand of stress, and I donât want to romanticise struggle.
But stress doesnât end when you have money. It just changes shape, bleaches its skin, gets some Botox, does some BBL, and multiplies.
A rich person isnât stressed about transport fare. Theyâre stressed about lawsuits, betrayal, security, scammers, dependencies, expectations and the fear of going from rich back to broke, which, by the way, sounds more terrifying than never having been rich at all.
Different levels, same stress. Cos stress is a stubborn goat that you canât get rid of.
So what do you do with all this info?
Nothing⌠or something. Cos, honestly, some problems canât be solved, we just have to change how we think about them.
So what Mimie and I quietly concluded that evening was: the higher your threshold for stress, the further youâll go. Because everything worth doing comes with stress, and every level you hit comes with a new kind of headache youâve never experienced before, the people who keep going are simply more likely to get further.
I saw a MrBeast video once where some guys had to stay in a grocery store for a certain number of days to win a big cash prize, maybe $500K or so. This particular dude kept making mouth; talking about how he could stay there for 2 years, how heâs dedicated, how he has a family to feed, bla bla bla. I would have bet my money on that guy.
A few days into it, my guy started crying like a sleepy toddler, and gave up. He realised that the mental weight of being stuck, even in a perfectly safe, air-conditioned grocery store is a kind of stress he never prepared for. We all say weâd do whatever it takes to make money until itâs actually time to face the stress that comes with doing whatever it takes to make money.
The stress is part of the deal, always has been, always will be, same as ever.
You can opt out of certain types of stress, e.g donât get a difficult job, donât have kids, donât aim for a bright future, just lay low and live simply. Thatâs a good choice. But youâll still get your own version of stress. Because the alternative to stress isnât peace, itâs usually just a quieter form of it, sitting with the knowledge that you played it safe, wondering what could have been.
Anyway, thatâs the conclusion Mimie and I arrived at. We then asked AI if we were right. It said yes, and we went to sleep.
